an all-around weird world

I was at school yesterday to simply drop my revisions in my adviser's table. I was overreacting not wanting to personally drop the paper afraid to see some of my professors. Nevertheless, I went inside to find one of them. Hehe. Well, he was in a good mood and asked about my work. I shouldve denied it, knowing he was the one suggesting not to work in the first place because of unfinished requirement in school. I just gave him an idea on how hard things are at the time because I couldnt get my tor--clearance--all because of the revisions. And now I might be losing my work because of it. I learned that my next checker is out of the country and will be back on nov 12, which is two weeks from now. Will I be able to finish all these in time? I doubt. My only hope is for the HR to let me stay, even if Im not regularized, or maybe make me a reg employee and give me chance to finish my requirements in school. I havent called them neither did louise, too afraid of their negative reaction and that they might believe that we werent graduates after all. I am still thinking of calling them, and hopefully theyd understand my situation. We already received a memo on the pending requirements, and Gosh, its been bugging me two weeks now. I hope thesis can be done in short time.

Anyway, I met with some friends too when I visited school. I miss the chitchats and the laugh trip moments. I hope everyone will come in saturday. We'll be meeting one of our friend's girlfriend and Im kinda excited about it; simply because Ill be meeting everyone once again. I also had a good time with Aldous, the usual dvd and eating out, driving; better--happier every moment we're in it

Well, this was just an update. I was too tired to actualy write, but I did check something on the net and thought of writing something...hehe Mama and I went shopping a while ago, and I did lose a lot of money. Waaa! I hope I can work this out again. hehe. And now, I can feel the exhaustion from walking and fitting every dress I see. I need to say bye bye!

I woke up early this saturday so that I could print my thesis and go straight to school. Unfortunately, no one knows if sir ben will be there. Nevertheless, I am still coming and asked a few friends to help me with the last chapter. Nakakainis lang, its not their fault, but at times like ths when I need replies from people, thats the time im not receiving any messages from them. Now Im hangin and am not sure how this day will go.

I then opened the computer to check things, messages, news, whatever. I came across an article, well a blogsite saying a dog was stoned to death during the bagyong ondoy. Grabe this just made my morning worse. I cant take this off my mind and again I was daydreaming doing the same thing to those lunatics. How can they be so cruel? Dogs are our friends and I believe they only bite you when provoked or if they have bad experience with people. We people actually are creating problem to this society. The typhoon? Well some creatures are naturally evil... and Id probably kill it when I see one. (I hate reptiles!) But cats and dogs? theyre not evil.. theyre family especially to me.. and my heart goes to them. Its just sad that countries like the Philippines, its not illegal to abuse dogs and cats. But its still makes me happy to see an organization for animal welfare. Thanks PAWS for coming here and saving them. Someday I will be part of your work. It will surely be a great accomplishment for me in the near future..

Anyway, I still cant get that out of my mind.. I hope no similar situation happens, and If im there to witness it, Id probably risk my safety for the poor animal. I dont know, but people like me are probably hard to find. And its so hard to be this pitiful towards the animals because I always feel helpless. Many people are usually thinking theyre just animals, and that they dont really deserve the TLC we can give. However, in my case, I would most likely help them than those poor people in the street. We can feed ourselves, work, etc. But not them. And most of the Pulubis out in metro are perverts, stupid. MOST, not all. I know uneducated people may be that ignorant, but again, its not an excuse. And as humans, we have our instincts and intelligence; know and feel what is the right thing to do. Hay, I just cant help not thinking about the poor thing. I wish I could get back with those bastards and stone them to death and get away with it too.

A Capricorn born on December 25 is drawn to life's mysteries. New Age learning and holistic healing have special appeal for them. They are introspective people who can transcend their own emotional struggles by involving themselves in work that helps others. They can understand others' motives and divine what even they may not realize.

Friends and Lovers

Men and women born on this day seem self-sufficient but need their friends to step in once in a while and take over. This can be a test: Do friends care enough to take control? It's difficult to know what they expect of a relationship, let alone a marriage. There is a sense that they aren't sure they want to
make things permanent.

Children and Family

No matter how close they may be to family members, December 25 people are always a little outside the circle. They're quiet rebels who refuse to be influenced by others. With their children, they do the best they can to show affection and support. They are quick to discipline for deliberate wrong-doing but can be forgiving about unintentional errors.

Health

People born on this date have trouble committing to a full-time health regimen. They need strong motivation to work out and watch what they eat. They have to guard against brittle bones as they age. They can benefit from taking calcium supplements and doing weight-bearing exercise.

Career and Finances

People born on this date are drawn to professions that allow them to indulge their love of knowledge. They enjoy doing work behind the scenes. They are concerned with making a good living. They are likely to inherit money and may come to depend on this rather than making their own fortune.

Dreams and Goals

People born on December 25 want to succeed but have trouble maintaining motivation. They're ambitious yet may lack single-mindedness. They are most likely to reach their goals if they have an emotional as well as material reason to succeed. If they experience a setback, they are likely to try again.

I dont know if its okay to mention that passing exams hasnt been my expertise for the past years. I cannot fulfill my initial dreams and would have to divert to another path because Im just not good enough. Its weird, how I was able to pass the course. I tried to study hard and undrerstand the subjects; however, when the time comes when I have to take the exam, i cram, and lets the pressure get into me. I am feeling regretful again of not studying well back in highschool; it couldve sharpened my memory and made things easy in the future time. Now I have to deal with the frustration and lack of self belief when I want to achieve something. I am feeling regretful of having sleepless nights before the exam; sometimes cramming, trying to fill up my brain with the important and missed lessons or most of the time, spending the night out. Grrr. I should have studied. Hehe. Regrets are killing me from time to time. But now that Im working, I guess theres just few things I have to worry about. But these things kills me a lot. Why do I worry so much? I feel irresponsible at the moment. For not giving time for my revisions, and feeling lazy over studying for my validation exams. How can I possibly get up and avoid temptations? I have dreams... Big ones! I want to be my own boss. Set up my own business, aside from handling the family business. But before that, I dream of being a certified economist. Taking masters in the center of economics here in the Philippines. Oh how I wish I could do all that. I dream of having work in a multinational company after. I dream big! Big enough that I dont know how I will be able to achieve but I tell myself that I will. I need to save --- have experience -- and the enthusiasm in every step of the way. But what really matters to me after all these things? I want a happy family. I want to be a career-oriented woman, but as I look forward into the future, I would probably have 70% of my time and effort for my soon to be husband and kids. That I believe would truly make me happy... I guess its how things should be; I have my dream--to be a successful business woman / economist; But Id rather be successful with how I run my family, full of love and happy together. As of now, I do not have the most dreamt job, but maybe compared to others, I am being envied. I have my mother, father, sisters that supports me--waiting for me to get home. And I have my lover, always there to take care of me. No matter what happens. I will think of this, helping myself to push away regrets and lack of self confidence. I will be successful in God's will. . .

Last thursday, Aldous and I met after work; ate dinner and went off to ruins. Good thing I had money, or was it really a good thing? Sarap talaga shopping dun. We were able to find goodies for our phones. Batteries and casing! wee Mine's purple na. and kuya was offering to put those thingies at the side kasi mines gone na. Anyway we also bought dvds and its just that time that I actually bought dvds (with the s) for myself. Hehe He usually has the intention of buying kasi and Id just wait there and suggest what he should be buying. I bought sorority row, but when i got home it turns out to be another movie. haha. Today, since there was bagyong pepeng, all i did was watch dvds and surfing. Ugly truth's really a good movie. It made me laugh and was giving me that kilig factor. Also, at the time when we were roaming around ruins, he bought audio cds, one that I saw-- yung album ni princess na acoustic. And I heard her sing 'thinking of you' by katy perry. I really liked the version of her.

The weathers fine actually. and its a good thing. Cold, quite rainy but not that hard. No lives has been ruined, and damages done. Super typhoon daw. hehe. My office mates were right. Another wrong prediction of pagasa. Or maybe we just got lucky. Prayers were just strong and God spared our lives.
I couldve been with him today, but due to the so called super typhoon (which clearly lost its way) we werent able to meet today. And besides, he has to stay home with mama naty. Its his bday next week and I hope we'll find time to see each other and celebrate. I need to stay home too tom because i have to really study for my validation exam. It was supposed to be yesterday but gladly it was moved because of the typhoon. I suddenly realized i shouldve studied today since we were invited for a party in Calamba again. Im sure to meet my makulit pamangkins nanaman at minsan lang un.

Aside from watching dvds, and cleaning up my cabinet to find clothes to donate to the ondoy victims, I told you about surfing. I was actually watching funny and heartwarming videos posted by people in their fb. check my page for some of it. I tried reposting these photos

Hai anyway church at 7am tom, so I guess I have to go. Ciao.

I was too preoccupied of what happened to me last saturday -sa kasagsagan ng bagyong ondoy- that I failed to quickly realize the gravity of the storm. Days have passed and still my friends and office mates would bring out the topic how devastating these event is. My sister also showed a twitter conversation between a korean and his or her friends joyously talking about the storm that hit the Philippines. She's a total bitch! I do not have the conversation with me or the link (and she's been blocked by twitter) but she's simply happy about this event. SOmething like, "..oh its funny how these "monkeys" are drowning in the flood.." She seems to enjoy it! Bad trip talaga! She made us feel worse. EVIL.

Anyway, its sad that I have work almost 12 hours a day (commuting included) that I cant find time to volunteer for the relief operations. I even cant find enough hours to pack donations. I havent looked at my cabinet for old but usable clothes and fails to go to the grocery to buy basic necessities like food. I pity my Filipino family, and to be honest, i am pitiful towards the people from provident, and those living in executive villages that invested a lot in their houses and material things like appliances, vehicles and all that. Its because I believe they lost not only material things but pride as well, and Im sure not all of them are used to having nothing, and now theyre all starting from scratch. All I can do as of now is pray. I have lots to do for the weekend! I need to prioritize my validation exam because it is the key to my regularization. But until now? I was glued to much to the sofa everytime I come home from work, and its saturday already. Now I cant really find time for packing donations.

PRAYER is the basic thing I can offer as of this time, but I promise as soon as this exam is over, I will be there to do charity work, not because everyones just doing it, I am sincerely offering my help; I know everyone of us is needed. Sympathy alone is surely not enough.

I fear that in the days to come, esp that bagyong pepeng is said to be coming in the country, more lives will be lost and I hope not one of my family and friends will be part of it. I hope this catastrophe stops! I wish we could prevent all these from happening. If everyone will just cooperate and disregard greed for money, we are saving not only our planet earth, but our lives. Those destroying the forests, killing animals and trees are creating ecological imbalances that angers mother nature. It obviously affects us now. And its creepy. Please, please. Lets do our best to prevent these things from happening. We are all important and we are all responsible. Lets save our lives by cooperating-- following simple rules is the key to survival.

Now see? Mortality has increased rapidly over the last few days, not only in the Philippines, Indonesia too and other asian countries. We know whats happening. Lets act now.

I know my fellow filipinos feels the same. I almost cried as I watch the news. People and animals walking through the dirty water almost drowning them. Some are covered with mud; people trying to fit in in the evacuation centers. Nothing with them, some even without their families, all dead. Now korean bitch> karma may be on your way. Think if this happens to you? Would you like to be that monkey struggling through the water?

I guess I wont forget this storm's name, aside from milenyo. I just had the worst day! I was planning to go to school for i badly need to submit my thesis and for me to have a consultation for the remaining undone chapter. Well, it was a good thing I guess since I cannot get up early this morning and I still have to print it. I saw the rain pouring hard and I can feel the wind rushing through. I suddenly thought how bad it'll be if I still travel to cavite. The storm was somewhat like milenyo, to think it was signal no.1. So again, knowing the weather was very bad, it seems impossible for Aldous and me to meet up. I was very sad since we or maybe i had plans for the day. The situation was kinda hopeless since the two ways of getting here are probably traffic at this time, and I believe the water is rising and by the time he'll pass by there, he'll be stranded because of the flood in daang hari. And so I was actually hesitant and just wanted him to stay put. I didnt know exactly what to do for the day, though I should be studying for a validation exam next saturday for my regularization. The thought of putting my plans into action was just making my day boring.

He then called to say classes had been cancelled and that he needs to drive his uncle some where near my house and so he said we'll see each other. Got me excited of course. We met at sm and I was with my mom and titas. After doing some errands, they left us and I was thinking of eating since it was already late. It was 6pm, but the mall was about to close! Obviously because of the bad weather. Some stores have actually closed, and I was thinking that if I insisted eating inside the mall, we'd be under pressure while eating because it will close anytime soon. I dont know what to suggest and I was asking him, I didnt remember any clear answer. Always up to me? I thought of going home nalang since, ayun na e. We have nowhere else safe to go. I was thinking traffic outside sm pa. Siguro its my fault that I didnt make it clear what I was thinking that we'd better go at my house nalang to eat and tambay. He keep stopping, and so I believe he likes to stay somewhere. I suggested restos along zapote road but dont know what resto exactly. I was hoping he'd decide where because Im out of suggestions. It was almost 7 and we barely have hours left together. (remember curfew?) SO I guess we have to hurry! And then thats just it, there was silence. I didnt know what to say anymore and I dont even know whats going on with him. I didnt ask anymore, I didnt try to figure out what he wants because I kept asking that a little while a go. I was furious. Ganun ganun nalang tapos were not okay? Ridiculous but true. I didnt know what to think and by the time he left home, I was crying, crying with anger. He was driving two hours going here, well yes to drive his uncle and meet me. And then we'll have this misunderstanding? I dont know what else to think. And soon when we talk, I wont be surprised if It will be my fault and me feeling guilty.But as of now, I am not in the best state to ask and understand.
I believe writing this would make me feel better. We probably wont talk again, and that sucks, esp when everythings hangin, again. I just am not OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!